cheerio fire boy

I still haven't done my work. I have spent all day procrastinating. I mean, who'd've thought how very important a bath would become? (Ditto changing bedclothes, or wandering to the supermarket and buying food, or playing on this blog, or chatting on MSN...)

Clareybell just rang. We have been on the phone for ages. God, I feel like I have to introduce all these people all over again! We were talking about how to help me find the strength to not buckle and contact Fire Boy. I haven't heard from him since Friday evening when he replied to a message I sent late Friday afternoon (the subject shall remain a secret, but I am an idiot). So, nothing out of him all weekend. Still, nothing out of me either. But I have been thinking about him.

Venting was so right when she said that I just want him to want me. Is that such a bad thing? What is so wrong with me? I know you'll all say that it isn't me, it's him. Yes, I know. He is the one with the problem, but I am the one agonising over it.

Anyway enough. I still have this bloody article to write. It's about knowledge sharing and developing world infrastructure and obviously totally riveting WHICH IS WHY I HAVE BEEN AVOIDING IT FOR THREE MONTHS!!! Today is crunch day. It has to go to Designer before I go to bed. Words down so far: uh, none... Blahhhh.

So, the plan, the plan that Clareybell and I came up with goes like this.

• Write Fire Boy's phone number down on a scrap of paper
• Delete all messages from Fire Boy in mobile phone inbox
• (Actually, just delete ALL messages and get rid of Fuzzy's as well while at it...)
• Delete all sent items
• Take scrap of paper with Fire Boy's number on it and head down to kitchen
• In kitchen, get out box of Cheerios (which I bought because Fuzzy used to like them, but I never eat breakfast at home so the box just sits there in my cupboard)
• Delve hand with Fire Boy's number right into middle of box of Cheerios
• Let go of paper
• Withdraw hand
• Replace cereal box
• Retreat upstairs
• Do work
• Do not get distracted by Facebook/blogging/MSN etc

The idea is that the number is not on my phone so I can't text him easily when temptation gets the better of me. You all know. You have done this sort of thing before too I'll bet!! Clareybell used to give the offending number to someone to keep while she went through "the worst of it". It's like withdrawal from a drug in many respects.

Hopefully, even when really pissed, the effort required in getting the cereal box out of the cupboard and then scrabbling through it (imagine Cheerios flying all over the kitchen!) will buy me enough time to realise that I really ought to have more self worth and will stop me caving and contacting him.

Clareybell also suggested deleting him from Facebook. A brave idea, but I can't do that just yet. I still want to be able to look at his photo. G'agh, loser... I totally hear you!

(And message just arrived from Clareybell... we were discussing the fact that some of you lot said that Fire Boy was below my league on the blog and over email... She said "if you played 'your face or mine?', it would be yours that wins, right?". I said that would be right and emailed her some pics. She texts: "I managed to see one pic of Fire Boy. Our internet is fucking temperamental! Def your face, sweet cheeks! :) Here's a huge hug and lots of love. Email/chat tomorrow xxxxxx Now, get to the Cheerios!"